mom

It has been nice to be able to talk with my mom, we talked the other day for about on hour, she said she wanted to continue to have an open honest talk. I agree it has been nice to be able to talk, I still edit a lot from her, I still hide a photo album of pictures on FB as to not rub candice in her or other family members face, I still try not to talk about candice and I, but I don't feel like i have to edit as much, or feel the guilt.
I told her after my vacation UT for christmas that i was coming back to TN, she understood, her only fear is that i haven't given time to find myself, she and everyone would like for me to stay and find crystal, she asked me if I was afraid to be alone. When i think about it I have always had to have someone in my life, male or female, I have plenty of friends who have been in relationship , married or dating and now they  arent in a relationship, they seem to have given them some time, i think i should do the same, but then i also think am I staying away from candice to make everyone else happy again? This life choice wasn't masde overnight, this is something I have prayed over, and though about this for a long time, I have taken breaks from candice, and when I'm not with her, I miss her a lot, I miss the way we laugh and have fun, I miss how care free and not stressed out I am, I miss the fights we have cause we grow from them and are able to continue to build a stronger relationship, I miss the way she looks at me and make me feel so loved, so beautiful and so taken care of. I miss the encouragement she gives, me I miss the confidence, I miss the way she seems to know me better then I know my self. I know that our relationship  will always be hard, I know we always be fighting against something, but I always feel very confidant in knowing that we will be together. We have ben through a lot in our relationships, we have been married, had spouse problems, had a divorce, been pregnant, raised to kids together, lost loved one, had money problems, been away from each other due to military reasons, had family issues, have had ex husband being a dick issues, our own insecurity issues, found our love, and faith.
Anyways back to my mom and I's talk, I told her i understood that she doesn't feel comfortable to being around her, I told her I wouldn't be forcing all this on everyone yet, I know at some point we will all have to get together, and at that point I hope everyone can get over the hard feelings and have a good time.
I am happy my mom talks to me, I hope that we will always be able to, I hope the rest of the family will also.